hotel room ftw
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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