I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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