6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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