shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
