Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
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