You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
