why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
