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• (941): View more from Florida

  Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?

  (1-941): View more from Florida

  Wow! You need to get laid.

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• (315): View more from New York

  You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you

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• (870): View more from Arkansas

  It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.

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• (283): View more from Ohio

  by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?

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• (206): View more from Washington

  I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.

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• (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  Well I just put wine in my tea

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• (818): View more from California

  I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.

  Fav 2 1041 460

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• (207): View more from Maine

  So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.

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• (859): View more from Kentucky

  I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  We will just distract him with tacos and porn.

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