____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
