i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
