i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
