I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
