I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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