playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
