apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
