speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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