Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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