I can tuck mytits in my pants
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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