there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My penis needs a shock collar
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I FOUND THE LEGS
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
