I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
