If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
