You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
