I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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