Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
