When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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