You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
