It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
