i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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