if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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