My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
