remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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