dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
