Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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