I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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