She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
