I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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