I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
