It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
