as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
