South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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