So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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