everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
