Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
