I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
