the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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