Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Randomize
