There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
