i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
