I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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