i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he laminated a picture of his dick.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
