I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
