when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
