I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
