There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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