so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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