One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
